Self-Compassion/"How to Survive a Total Hip Replacement"

“You are doing really well’ is the resounding response I receive from anyone I tell I had a hip replacement 8 (nearly 9 and counting) weeks ago.  They look at me, they see a tall, fit, confident early fifties woman, who walks a bit funny, but on the whole, looks fit, healthy and happy. 

What they don’t see is the self-doubt:

• ‘maybe the surgeon saw the wrong MRI and made a mistake operating on me’  
• ‘Is my career as a yoga teacher over’
• ‘Will I ever be able to do a pigeon again’
• ‘Will my body ever NOT hurt’
• ‘I’ve lost all my core strength’
• ‘I’ve put weight on, as a fitness instructor/PT, yoga teacher, I will be judged”
• And on and on and on…
  
  

The other thing that is not seen is the two weeks I spent in bed straight after the surgery, unable to get up without feeling dizzy, nauseous, who knows why.. Maybe the pain, maybe the painkillers, maybe from not moving around too much, maybe from moving too much! 

Gratefully welcoming visitors who came, bearing gifts, food, flowers, sunny company and having to be seen ‘warts and all’ with my pjs on or with the dishes not done and crumbs all over the floor, as I had to prioritise how I used my energy. 

It has been quite the journey!  I have had to deploy my patience reserves and my self-compasion has reached a new level.  Yes, I have beat myself up for a lot of things, but I have also quelled those voices as much as I can and given myself space to be down some days and really up on others. 

As I slowly start teaching again, taking on cover classes, seeing PT clients, I am marvelling at how our bodies and minds work, how on one day I can have so many wins and on another I can feel like I have literally gone backwards in my rehab. 
Having lumbar spondylosis, I was amazed at how well my back held up during the first 7 weeks, but then something had to ‘give’.  I honestly think it was the strong core that I took into the process with me that got me that far without too much pain, as well as painkillers and slow gentle movement.  It was a day where I woke up with very little hip pain that I ‘did my back in’ and have been dealing with the spasm for the last week.  Mentally making a note that as soon as it settles down, I can start working on my core again. 

Today my back felt ready for it, so I decided to have a go at some side planks and some bird dogs.  Also doing some push ups and some core work.  I used to be able to do so much core, and have realised how much work I need to do to get back to that level.  I will and I will also get even stronger, but I will take my time, use my newfound patience and self-compassion and keep moving forwards. 

This process has only made me a better Fitness Coach as I can empathise with people going through similar experiences. 

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